I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
