Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
