well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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