Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
