This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
