And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
