I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
