I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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