Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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