Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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