youre lurking in front of me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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