If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
