Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
