I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
