the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
