needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
