if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
