i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
