FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i came on her dog
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just want nice things and good sex
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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