He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
