I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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