I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
