So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
