Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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