fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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