THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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