i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
