Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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