oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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