I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
