the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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