I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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