I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
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