I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
