I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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