In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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