New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
