What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
