And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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