youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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