Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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