What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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