need another drink. this is the easiest way
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
