We need to rekindle our bromance
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
