wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
