Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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