I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Damn victory sex feels great
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
