i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
