if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
