So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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