I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
