Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
