I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
